The last few years have been challenging and just plain exhausting. From accepting the truth that I had been raped to surviving and finally to thriving. It’s been a process. A long drawn out exhausting process. Some days are harder than others but I’ve made so much progress. I’ve had my wings for awhile now but have been too afraid to try flying.
In the past year I’ve grown so much as a person and learning to trust myself and not having to rely so much on my advocates. It was scary and downright heartbreaking when Kim left this time last year. I had grown so much with her support and it was hard accepting that I didn’t need her to thrive. That I had the skills and I gained the strength to battle things on my own.
That crisis turned into several more over a period of a few months. Then the medication change happened. I began to have thoughts I hadn’t had in years. Thoughts popped in my head “I want to die.” Death was on my mind and I was in a war with myself because I truly didn’t want to die. With the support of my family, friends and medical team I was able to come out of it. It scared me to know that I could ever feel that way again even when I love life.
My nephew was born and it changed my life for the better. I understood the preciousness of life from a new perspective. I started making changes in my diet and exercise. I’ve tried to live my life to the fullest. I’ve had my bad days but I’ve had wonderful days too.
Beyond my support group I’ve had little contact with my advocates. To me, that is proof of how much I’ve grown.
I’m using my skills and experiences to help make a difference in others’ lives. I volunteer for The Family Center, put together care packages when I’m able, as well as planning to become a certified peer specialist when the time is right.
I’ve had my wings for awhile and now I’m slowly learning to fly. It’s a process. Some days my flight is better than others.
I’m not where I was yesterday and tomorrow I’ll be somewhere I wasn’t today. Process. Growth. Flight. I’m becoming Katie Butterfly. I have my wings and some day I’ll be able to fly off in the sky!