I’m Brittany. I was sexually abused when I was a kid. I didn’t really know what was going on at the time. I was forced to go to therapy which lasted a few months, had numerous court dates that I thankfully didn’t have to attend. I knew I was experiencing something not everyone does, but I didn’t pay any mind to it.
When I got into high school, I started talking about the abuse some my Sophomore year. I talked to a lady I was assigned at school to talk meet with. Again, I didn’t really think much of the abuse. I just acted like it never happened.
Flash forward to about 3 years ago. It hit me. HARD. I set up times to meet with that same lady to talk. I had gotten depressed, I lost motivation for things, I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t happy. Turns out, I hadn’t gotten over the abuse. At all. Well, you never get over it, but you learn to I guess control it better? If that makes any sense. After about 6 months of meeting with her, talking, crying, etc. I felt as if I had truly healed. I felt so much more relieved.
Here I am, age 22. I’ve started to notice how the abuse has affected me & affects my relationships with people. Me…I get angry easily. I have a bad temper. I’m negative over everything. My relationships…I either get clingy because I’m afraid to lose the person or I push them away because I feel like I’m annoying or a pest. I either feel too much or nothing at all. I also just learned via a PTSD workbook I was given by the lady I talked to during school, now my mentor/friend…I have PTSD. This is a work in progress. I’ve been working through this book. I’m about 40 pages in. Some of it I can get through fine, but other parts like one I’m in now tears me up.
I feel like everything is my fault. I feel like I bother people. I don’t really have friends. I don’t know what my place is in the world. I know I have one, I just haven’t figured it out. I’m a MAJOR work in progress.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this.
Please remember the abuse isn’t your fault. You’re beautiful, strong, you have worth & you’re wonderful. Don’t have the stupid idea I do about being a statistic. You’re not a number…you’re a fighter.
I’ll be okay. I just got a lot of demons I gotta work through. I know I’m struggling & have issues, but I’m working through them. Slowly but surely.
Please don’t give up.
Stay beautiful & fearless.