Sometimes Recovery is Ugly

Recovery can be an incredible and empowering thing. All the moments we proudly want to share… but we don’t really talk about the ugliness that is behind the scenes…

This month I’ve talked about the empowering things I’ve gotten to do. And today I’m going to talk about the embarrassing and ugly things that is also recovery!

Depression – Most of the time I have zero motivation, no energy, so much sedation from the medication that lets me sleep at night. I spend too much time in bed. It’s a comforting escape but unhealthy and embarrassing.

Personal care – a lot of the time I have no energy or motivation to shower or do my hair. Some days it’s a chore and I actually have to schedule it in so I do it. Embarrassing right?

Victim blaming – I still have moments that I think what happened to me was my fault. I’ll get myself into a frenzy and end up having to call my advocate to reassure me that I was not to blame. It’s a pretty ugly thing.

Sometimes I’m just not OK, sometimes I’m just a downright mess and that’s OK. Recovery can be such an incredible and empowering thing and other timesit’s ugly and embarrassing.

There are many sides to recovery. The good, the bad and the ugly. And without any of it I would not be the person I am today!

I am still becoming Katie Butterfly.

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