Life has been tough lately. Writing has always been a way for me to get my thoughts out so… here I am.
The last year has been crazy hard. Adjusting to all the new normals while trying to hold on to the old. Somewhere in the process I got lost… and then found… repeatedly on a loop.
My mental health struggles have been up, down and all around. April was especially hard… one traumaversary after another. It was an intense rollercoaster that I just wanted off of.
Intrusive thoughts. Depression. Brain fog. No appetite. Extreme anxiety consumed me. I counted all my blessings, did things I enjoy but I could not get out of the darkness.
I hate goodbyes. I really do. A dear friend came to visit and then came the goodbye part. It sucked. Old feelings came to the surface. I felt like a little traumatized girl again… then later in the week was the 6 year anniversary of losing my grandma to her brain aneurysm. Another goodbye. A permanent (earthly) goodbye. Bam! I was consumed by so much pain.
I was going into a 4 day weekend of work. I didn’t know how I was going to make it. I no longer have a job coach and I was scared of doing it on my own. I decided to give it a try… and with the help of my co-workers and friends I made it through.
I made an appointment with my psych NP. I told her what was going on. She felt it would get better as it was PTSD related. And, she was right. I still have mild depression but the intensity of emotions have let up.
Life is tough… but I’m a whole lot tougher! I still feel a bit lost but I’m working through it!!
I’m still… Becoming Katie Butterfly!