Speak Out: Rose’s Story

Thank you Rose for sharing your story with us. You are incredible. And yes, you ARE a thriver! Since Rose wrote this, she has married her fiancé and they are expecting a baby boy anytime now (if he hasn’t come already!) I just love success stories!!!

******************************************** 

“I had a pretty good childhood, but just because I had both parents doesn’t mean it was functional. When I was six I was sexually molested in the school bathroom but I never said anything until I was thirteen. I still get nightmares from that day. I never really understood at the time what had happened to me, but I feel disgusted that I remember enjoying it a little. At ten years old I started thinking about self harm and started developing an image problem. I thought the perfect weight was 63 and still do to this day. I started cutting myself when I was fourteen and have not stopped completely yet. I was having a bad day and I was depressed so I cut with a razor blade and when I got caught I would blame it on the dog. During my teen years I was socially awkward and miserable-always wanting to kill myself, being bounced around from hospital programs then back to school, it was maddening. When I turned 17 my dad had a mental breakdown. He tried to cut off his hand and burn it off. Seeing my mom having to wrestle the knife from him still haunts me. He didn’t know where he was,when it was, or who we were. Just sitting there in the ER not knowing what was going to happen, it was the first time I had seen my dad weak and it made me angry. I blamed him for awhile but as I got older I realized I was wrong. When I turned sixteen I got into my first serious relationship with a guy who was 23. We had met online and everything seemed perfect, but that was a disguise. He hit me and put me down emotionally and most of all he used me financially and mentally. Made me think I would never find anyone better than him, but he left right before Christmas in the middle of the night. No note or goodbye, just gone..we were together 5 years. It didn’t take me long to move on though, while I had a stay at a hospital, I met my ex girlfriend Dawn. She was amazing or at least I thought so. I started drinking heavily when I was with her, and decided to try crack/cocaine for the first time. The first hit and I was hooked, inhaling as long as I could just to get higher,hearing the rocks crackling, the numbness, it was great for awhile. I started doing it once or twice a month but the use got heavier after my mom died. I don’t know which is worse, seeing your mom die or being told she died. It still tears me up today and I get bad flashbacks from that time. I went downhill with my cocaine use, trying everything I could to just get high- going to crack houses and going 25 hours straight just smoking crack. Then in August 2014 she decided to kick me out of the apartment and I was sent to a group home. I was terrified when I first moved in, and it felt like hell. Withdrawals for awhile and nothing to help it. The only thing was the house manager at the time was getting me weed and stoned every night. It was cool for awhile but then he started wanting sex from me. I was lucky enough to have met my fiance Shawn. He really has saved my life in so many ways. Looking back on everything I have been through, I realize I am stronger than I thought and I am finally willing to grow up and do what I have to. I have been clean 8 months, and although I have bad urges and cravings from time to time, I know I can get through it. I have such a huge support system now, and I will make them proud! I am a thriver.”

 

About katiebutterfly🦋

I'm 29 years young. Married to my best friend Jeff. Love our beautiful black and white kitties - Bunny and Trouble. I love my job at the library. I love music, books and just life experience! I'm a survivor of sexual abuse and mental illness. I'm an advocate and a voice for those who have not yet found theirs! I am also in the process of growing my wings and becoming a beautiful butterfly - Katie Butterfly.

2 Responses

  1. You brave lady. I connect with a lot about your story. I too was Sexually abused and I remember liking the feeling. It’s not our fault though as you probably know now. We were only children and our body responded to what is a natural act with the right person. You truly are a butterfly. You are an inspiration xx

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s