Wow. Where to start? First off, Happy New Year. You know only 31 days late!

Trigger warning up ahead…

After my last post (relapse of Self harm and suicide ideation) things took a turn for the worst. I had my parents come pick up my cat and I because I knew if I stayed at my apartment I would do something really bad to myself (I had a BPD reaction to an argument)

I spent Christmas at my parents in a deep deep depression. I went home after Christmas. Then New Years came. Eventually I had another relapse with the self harm. I felt like “I already blew 10+ years of recovery so why bother.”

My mentor was able to get through to me and I promised I would reach out for help and start building a new support team.

(This really opened doors)

I’ve been on a wait list for a therapist, met with a virtual one (that wasn’t going to work out!!!)

I reached out to my old county mental health services case manager, explained about my relapse, he set up a meeting and I ended up qualifying for their services again (imagine that!!!!) I meet with Ryan tomorrow to start going over my case stuff. I’m also scheduled to see a therapist next month through their services.

Wahooo.

And not only that… my former SA advocate has put me in touch with more local one and hopefully a new support group will come out of that.

This relapse and crazy intense SH urges has been so hard on me. I haven’t been being very kind to myself. It’s time I did. I have to remember, that this relapse didn’t happen over night, and neither will the recovery.

Please be patient with me. Please be kind. Please give me time!!

In the mean time I think it’s time to start blogging on here more regularly.

I honestly didn’t think I’d make it through December or January… yet here we are at the end of January. I’m so much stronger than I give myself credit for… but I’m also so thankful for the support I’ve had to help me through!!!

Thanks for reading this!

Katiebutterfly