I will not be defeated. Not by the emotions trying to run my life or the fact I still need medication.

Again, it is no secret that I have been struggling the past couple months. The police report, being told I waited too long and the news of my advocate leaving has taken a toll on my mental health.

Winter is right around the corner and so is my seasonal depression. I didn’t want to go back up on the seroquel dose and admit defeat. Who wants to do that? Admit defeat. Then I thought it would only be defeat if I allowed it to be. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing medication. What I’m afraid of isn’t more medication. No, I am afraid of becoming too numb again. I need these emotions I’m feeling but I also need a balance.

I saw my psych NP today and we decided to switch from the Seroquel to the Seroquel XR. I start this weekend. The XR is supposed to be less sedating and have less side effects.

So, here I go again facing changes and refusing to be defeated!