I know I’ve talked about my different mental health issues but today I wanted to talk about my experience with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). The nicer days we’ve had combined with the first day of Spring has me hopeful that the long, long winter months are almost gone.
However, I don’t just want Spring to come for the obvious reasons. I want a break from a depression that sucks almost all of the life out of me. And that’s what I want to talk about. SAD and how it affects me personally.
I struggle with my anxiety, depression and personality disorder all year long, but I am more a depressed hermit in the winter, and I’m much more of a social butterfly in the summer. In the winter, most days I don’t get out of bed until late morning/early afternoon (Unless I have to work or be somewhere) and then when I do make it out of bed the couch becomes my best buddy. I feel much more depressed and overwhelmed and my motivation is pretty much shot. When the days start getting warmer and longer you will probably see more of me. I’ll actually start to get the motivation, I lacked all winter, to get out of bed earlier, to actually get dressed and decent looking. I’ll be in a better mood. And actually look forward to living life again.
If you know me well you can probably tell the difference in my mood/motivation because I’ll make more of an effort to do my hair, put make up on, and throw together a stylish outfit. But, it’s not always a tell tale sign. You still can’t judge a book by it’s cover. Because some days I’ll dress down and wear sweats and be in a a perfectly great place in life. Likewise, I could be all dressed up and be crying on the inside.
I am a complex person. And there is so much more to me than my winter blues, summer yays, and everything in-betweens.
I am me. Perfectly Flawed.