The Day I Thought My Heart Would Break

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April 22, 2015 started out like any other. Jeff and I had just recently  found out we had gotten our first apartment. My mom-in-law and I were giddy and hanging out in our new but still empty apartment, talking excitedly about our bright future. My phone went off. I had a text message from my cousin to have my mom call him. I called my mom, thinking it was no big deal. Just a normal phone call. What I heard next almost made my heart stop. “Grandma is in the hospital.” Then I was told, she was in a coma and probably was never going to wake up again.

I spent that day, crying and praying for a miracle. I knew she was the same as dead. But still kept praying for a miracle. I cried myself to sleep that night. There was no way it could be true. I had spoken to her just two weeks before on my birthday, we would FaceTime. There was just no way she could be gone, forever.

I’m thankful that God made sure she would never feel pain again. She officially passed away the next day. April 23, 2015. 10 months ago today.

We went to officially say goodbye a few days later.

I thought my heart would break, that there was no way I could keep living without her. The first few months after she was gone was the hardest. Then a position opened up at my job, something I knew my grandma would be so proud of me if I got it… I applied, had my review and got the position! That summer Jeff and I were also married in the eyes of God. I used pink roses to remember my Grandma and let her be a part of my special day.

I still miss her terribly. I learned, though, that even when we think our heart will break, and life won’t go on. It will and it can get better.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her or still want to call her. I know the next couple months will be hard for me and my family. But, I’m so glad we have each other!

Roses mean remember and Grandma, I remember you…

Katie

About katiebutterfly🦋

I'm 29 years young. Married to my best friend Jeff. Love our beautiful black and white kitties - Bunny and Trouble. I love my job at the library. I love music, books and just life experience! I'm a survivor of sexual abuse and mental illness. I'm an advocate and a voice for those who have not yet found theirs! I am also in the process of growing my wings and becoming a beautiful butterfly - Katie Butterfly.

2 Responses

  1. aaaw Katie. That is beautiful. The circle of of life does not seem to have a grey area. Grandparents are special. I’m getting married in June. I’m having a silk and pearl/ jewel bouquet and I’m having a small purple heart Amethyst put in it that my Grandad gave to my Gran. Grandad has been gone for over 10 years and Gran has Dementia and is in a care home. They played a big role in my life. I’m using one of my grandpas favourite songs as one of our three song choices ‘its a wonderful world’ Louie Armstrong. Thank you for sharing your post. You are right. Hearts do heal and life moves on – it takes time and there is no set time to mourn for someone. It is wonderful you brought a bit of your gran with you to your wedding day in the form of roses. What a beautiful symbol of the beauty and simplicity and inevitability of life and what naturally follows .xx

    Liked by 1 person

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