Confessions Of a Recovered Borderline

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Or maybe I was just a girl…Interrupted.

 

Possible Trigger Warning

Lately, I’ve wanted to write more about my experience with Borderline Personality Disorder, how it almost killed me and how I was able to find help and start a new life.

Even as someone who has been in “remission” for quite some time this leaves me feeling and thinking where to start, what to tell, is it going to be too intense or not enough.

I’ll never stop thinking about all the things I did to hurt some of the people I loved most and how I’d do things differently. I learned the most important lessons of all by failing and hitting rock bottom. I let my BPD destroy many things. My personal life and my loved ones. I finally opened my eyes and got the help I so badly needed. I knew from the time I was 14 that I needed help, but I didn’t and couldn’t get the help I needed until I was an adult. By then damage was done and I hit rock bottom before I could go up. I regret the people I hurt, the things I did and said while so sick but now that I’m in recovery I try to be there and advocate for others going through it. Sometimes I step away for awhile when I feel it’s too much but I’m always there cheering you on and in your corner because I know what it’s like to mess up and lose everything. I’ve got your back.  I know I advocate a lot for sexual assault but BPD will always hold a place in my heart, I know how ugly it can get, but it does get better with the right tools and support. If you need a friend I’m there for you.

I have years worth of journals that I’ve thought about sharing, maybe one day publishing some to help others know they aren’t alone. But they are so raw. So personal. So intense. Maybe one day I’ll share some. But in the meantime, I’ll never stop speaking my story and being a voice to the voiceless.

All my love,

Katie Butterfly

 

 

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